Charlie Young: Good afternoon.
Mrs. Bartlett: Hi, Charlie.
Charlie: How was church?
Mrs. Bartlett: It was fine.
President Bartlett (simultaneously): It sucked.
Mrs. Bartlett: Stop it!
President Bartlett: It sucked.
Mrs. Bartlett: Youre talking about church!
President Bartlett: Oh, like Im not already going to hell.
Charlie: What was the problem?
Mrs. Bartlett: He feels the homily lacked panache.
President Bartlett: It did lack panache.
Mrs. Bartlett: It was a perfectly lovely homily on Ephesians 5:21. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
President Bartlett: Yeah, shes skipping over the part that says, Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.
Mrs. Bartlett: I do skip over that part.
Charlie: Why?
Mrs. Bartlett: Because its stupid.
Charlie: Okay.
Mrs. Bartlett: Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by washing of water with the word that he might present the church to himself in . . . something.
President Bartlett: In splendor. And I have no problem with Ephesians, and any time you want me to cleanse you with the washing of water you know Im up for it.
Mrs. Bartlett: Then what is your problem?
President Bartlett: Hackery!
Mrs. Bartlett: Oh
President Bartlett: This guy was a hack! He had a captive audience, and the way I know that is that I tried to tunnel out of there several times. He had an audience and he didnt know what to do with it.
Mrs. Bartlett: You want him to sing Volaré?
President Bartlett: It couldnt have hurt. Words
Mrs. Bartlett: Oh, God, no
President Bartlett: Words, when spoken out loud for the sake of performance, are music. They have rhythm, and pitch, and timbre, and volume. These are the properties of music and music has the ability to find us and move us and lift us up in ways that literal meaning cant. Do you see?
Mrs. Bartlett: You are an oratorical snob.
President Bartlett: Yes I am, and God loves me for it.
Mrs. Bartlett: You said he was sending you to Hell.
President Bartlett: For other stuff, not for this. You cant just trot out Ephesians, which he blew, by the way. It has nothing to do with husbands and wives, its all of us. St. Paul begins the passage, Be subject to one another out of reverence to Christ.
Be subject to one another. In this day and age of 24-hour cable crap devoted to feeding the voyeuristic gluttony of an American public hooked on a bad soap opera thats passing itself off as important, dont you think you might be able to find some relevance in verse 21? How do we end the cycle? Be subject to one another.
Mrs. Bartlett: So, this is about you.
President Bartlett: No, its not about me. Well, yes it is about me, but tomorrow itll be about somebody else. Well watch Larry King and see who. All hacks off the stage, right now! Thats a national security order.
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