by Garry Trudeau
Copyright © 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 G. B. Trudeau
Drat! These pesky scientific facts wont line up behind my beliefs!
Then challenge them, Stewie!
Holy flat-earther! Its White House situational science adviser, Dr. Nathan Null!
Thats right, Stewie, and Im here to remind you... Situational science is about respecting both sides of a scientific argument, not just the one supported by facts! Thats why I always teach the controversy! Like the evolution controversy, or the global warming controversy... Not to mention the tobacco controversy, the mercury controversy, the pesticides controversy, the coal slurry controversy, the dioxin controversy, the Everglades controversy and the acid rain controversy.
Youre right, situational scienceman ... Ill never trust science again! Its just too controversial!
Stewie gets it now, folks! Do you?
On the GOP side, the three front-runners, Giuliani, McCain and Gingrich, have five divorces among them, four of them really messy, and all of them involving adultery. On the Democratic side, the three front-runners, Clinton, Obama and Edwards, have no divorces or infidelities. So my question is, which party best represents family values?
The Republicans. They dont support gay marriages.
Nor their own, apparently.
Thats private! Thats between a man and a woman and another woman, and sometimes one more woman!
The fictional interviewee is a send-up of Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family.
Sir, isnt it true that your prisons are packed with minorities?
Trff Bmzklfrpz, President-for-Life of the Republic of Berzerkistan:
As are yours, I believe. And our numbers are modest, whereas your country has the highest incarceraton rate in the world!
Yeah, but our inmates arent tortured!
Damn... That used to be a gimme.
Dont worry. Were all huge Jack Bauer fans.
|re-run March 3||
Kim! What do you know about robotics?
Because apparently I know even less. Alphie has been a total bust! Why did I go with a dual-drive? Weve only got an hour left, and the little bugger cant go two feet without breaking down!
Thats it blame the victim! Beep!
Im also starting to regret the A.I. chip!
Listen, Akbari, about your opium operation...
I know, I know, it helps fund the bad guys... But how else am I supposed to take care of my village? Kabul is inefficient and corrupt! No money ever reaches us!
Theres another way, partner... Hold on, itll come to me... Taxes! Thats ittaxes!
I dont believe in them. Reagan changed my life.
So what does the recession mean to those who had nothing before it hit? Good question... Here to help us sort it all out are our favorite homeless peeps, Alice and Elmont!
Nothing to sort out ... Its been a nightmare!
Its the competition from all the newbies, Mark...
Our favorite dumpster behind the Ritz totally spoiled!
Its like losing a great trout stream! Worse, probably!
text checked (see note) Mar 2006; Apr 2007; Jan, Mar 2008; Apr 2009