Positively Pogo
Copyright © 1955, 1956, 1957 by Walt Kelly
included in Pogos Will Be That Was
Copyright © 1979 by the estate of Walt Kelly, Selby Kelly, executrix
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A Word to the Fore |
These continue to be wondrous times when every man tries to find a formula for keeping the strangers fingers from his throat. The simple expedient of holding hands will someday occur to a couple of people who will forever after be forgotten. We need to read and to think and to study the faces of our friends . . . a peaceful pursuit. But, in the light of our trial bombs bursting in air and the flash of the practice red rockets glittering glare, the study of peace is a blinky business.
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Preface |
Pogo: Did you ever dream a dream what had a joke in it, Porky?
Porky Pine: Thats where I get some of my best ones.
Pogo: I guess you could dream a good one if you put your mind to it.
Porky: It depends on who gits into yo dreams. Some folks got no sense of humor!
Pogo: I read a book once what said you kin do anything you wants if you puts yo mind to it.
Porky: I dint read the book, but I is dreamed the dream ... I allus likes the part about the cowboys.
| Topic: Dreams
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Chapter 1 |
Churchy la Femme: Not workin? Thats show business?
Porky: Sure.. Thats bein at liberty .. Not workin dont mean you is out of show business.. It jes mean you aint eatin.
Churchy: Not eatin!? Jes cause you aint workin you dont eat? Some business!
Id rather loaf fer a livin.
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Chapter 2 |
Howland Owl: [...] If turtles got a strong union you mought git hunnerds an hunnerds.
Churchy: What? Then the job is out.. I cant afford to take it.
Owl: Cant afford it! You aint makin nothin doin what yous doin now!
Churchy: I know! An if I loses this job.. whats I lose? Nothin! But if I ever lost a job makin hunnerds an hunnerds of dollars a week if would break me. I couldnt afford it!
| Topic: Labor
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Chapter 5 |
Owl: I dont like to be a wet blanket but yo singin commercials is on a reef.
Churchy: If you dont like bein like you say why is you always what you said?
Owl: But friend of my youth, companion of my cradle, yo commercials dont make sense!
Churchy: That is a reequirement not hitherto enforced on land, at sea or on the air!
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Chapter 6 |
Beauregard Bugleboy: Why, oh, why do those of us who earnestly bend our frail but courageous efforts to benefit everyone in every walk of life caring not for our selfs alone but inwardly bleeding... and suffering in an unstinting and self effacing nobility of generosity set with the diamonds and pearls of love, love for our fellows and knowledge of our own unbecoming ... um . uh .. Where was I?
Albert: Where was you when?
Mouse: You taxied down the runway and dumped your gas sos you could take off!
| Topic: Rhetoric
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Chapter 9 |
Churchy: Mebbe the mouse had a good idea there ... edible money!
Pogo: But everbody dont care for cheese.. Money printed on it would go good with mice but how bout other humans?
Churchy: Oh you could put out a menu... Give folks a choice... Money printed on toast, money on sliced eggplant.
Pogo: An on omelet.
Churchy: Oh, yes, we could make money real popular.
Pogo: Imagine! Money printed on licorice - Yum!
Churchy: We could revolutionize the financial world! Cash would have a twofold purpose ... Just think! Folks with money would never have to starve!
Pogo: Gosh!
| Topic: Money
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Chapter 10 |
Owl: Lets start at the beginnin again an lets keep our fierce an indomidouble tempers under con-trol.
Churchy: Alright.. Lets be gentlemens an considerant of each others frailities an foibobbles.
Owl: Hee hee.. How you do go on... I allus was considerant of yo faults an unspeakable habits.
Churchy: An I is ever been forbearin bout yo snoopy ways an turpitoods.
Owl: Long as wes bein such gentmens we kin insult each other freely without fear of hurtin the others feelins.
Churchy: Yes an you is a ball-eyed bull bat.
Pogo, observing the ensuing fight: My sakes... They been quiet so long I was afeared they was sick.
| Topic: Insults
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Chapter 11 |
Albert: The shameful way we been treated is so shameful its enough to make a man commit suicide.
Beauregard: Right! but which man?
Albert: In fact, friend, itd serve these nump-hods around here right if one of us did commit suicide! Then theyd change their tune.
Beauregard: To what?
Albert: To a funeral march, I guess.. Only thing is Id miss you so when I does it.
Beauregard: Il miss you, too.. Jes make sure you writes from where-so-ever you goes.. pervidin its cool enough.
Albert: I aint goin anywheres! You dint think I was gone start right out committin suicide on my own lovin self?
Beauregard: Well, you aint gone warm up on me, son.
| Topic: Suicide
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Porky: The best break anybody ever gets is in bein alive in the first place.
Albert and Beauregard: Gulp
Porky: An you dont unnerstan what a perfect deal it is until you realizes that you aint gone be stuck with it forever, either.
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Chapter 12 |
Porky: Mebbe you knows that funny story bout the fella what was a boxer cause he had a job boxin mushmelons.
Churchy: Um
Porky: I cerly would ad-mire to hear it cause it allus cheers me up... Its my favorite joke.. Go ahead an tell it if you knows it.
Churchy: Well I knows the story bout the fella what tole everybody he was a boxer cause he had a job boxin blueberries... Care to hear that one?
Porky: ..Oh.. mmm - No. It wouldnt be the same. I only enjoys the other one...
| Topic: Humor
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Owl: Look me in the eye an tell me again you thinks drive-in funeral parlors would be a good idea.
Mouse: Why should I? If you dont know a good business when you hears it?
Owl: Next youll be tellin me they could be self-service operations.
Mouse: Why not? Friend, you got vision.. Take my plan for sick services incorporated. Spose youre sick... You dont wanna go to a doc... Thats where I come in... I go for you... I tell him what you feel like... He examines me... Gives me the medicine.. no horrid after taste for you... Quick, convenient... Nothing for you to do, sir.
Owl: Except jump in the car and look for that drive-in funeral parlor.
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Mouse: Whats the matter with drive-in funeral parlors with self-service?
Owl: How can you embalm your own self if youre dead?
Mouse: Mmm - Yes... That would take a lil doin.. Well, that rules out embalmin. How about cre-matin?
Owl: Any fool knows you gotta be alive to cremate yourself.
Mouse: Another thing... Would anybody dead pay his bill? Wouldnt he jes leave?
Owl: The point is.. would you want him to come back with the cash?
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Chapter 14
| Porky: Dont you figger you kin git a-rrested for printin yo own money?
Churchy: Course not.. Nobody ever bothers the gummint fer doin it.
Porky: But the gummint got the concession.. Everbody takes offn it.. It been printin money for years.
Churchy: On paper! My money gonna be tasty! Itll be all the rage... Jes imagine, you gives a fella a dollar printed on a pancake.. He gives you back a half a mushmelon in change.
Porky: For small change you could print pennies on caviar.
Churchy: Nope! Nope! Nothin illegal about this... No foreign currencies.
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Beauregard: People got a dog they thinks twice bout goin out an rampin around... If they got a chile they hires a baby sitter.. But a dog needs a friendly hand to feed an pat him.... A dog with a good pedigree on him cost too much to trust with strangers.
Albert: So dogs keeps the fambly at home you thinks?
Beauregard: Yep.. if a dog plays his cards right he kin be bout as much trial an grief as a set an a half of triplets.
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Chapter 15 |
Albert: If that grandfather gave you a guarantee on the clock for 99 year how come he didnt make it a even hundred?
Bun Rabbit: Well.. theyd gave the clock a trial run an 99 was all shed do.. So Granpa says, If she dont run 99 years for you come back an..
Albert: Dang blang it! If you gonna tell such stories whynt you go whole hog and say a hundred years whiles yous at it?
Bun Rabbit: As ol Uncle Will would say, you wouldnt want me to lie for jes one measly dog-boned year, would you?
| Topics: Clocks
Truth
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Chapter 16 |
Bug: Teacher asks me another poser fer homework this week... She say whats the differmints atween a liberal an a conservative...
Porky: Wull... I kin help you again like I did afore... Lets say the conservative is the quiet green grin of the crocodile... an the liberal is the snap!
| Topics: Conservatism
Liberalism
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Chapter 17 |
Pogo: [..] You know ol Grundoons talk dont make sense.
Rackety Coon Chile: Wull.. what of it..? Hes no differnt anybody else.. Hes jes innerested in talkin... Makin sense is a entirely differnt talent.
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Owl: I swear that turtle gits brainlesser and brainlesser every day.
Pogo: Dont swear nfront the childer.
Rackety Coon Chile: Right
Grundoon: Grs
Owl: I wasnt swearin.. Whats you doin?
Pogo: You was too.. you said so.
Owl: I was not.. I takes my oath that I
Pogo: You aint gone use no oath in front of these innocement ears.. Teachin bad words!
Rackety Coon Chile: How bout my ears? I is delicate.
Owl: How could I teach Grundoon bad words?.. He dont know any good ones.. He cant talk.
Pogo: He talks to fishes... You want them cursin an carryin on?
| Topic: Swearing
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Churchy: Good news! The paper say they is gonna drop the bomb!
Owl: What?
Pogo: On Armistice Day?
Churchy: I means theys gonna use atoms for peace an stuff like that stead of so much bombs an all.
Owl: You dint say that.. You gived us cold cobbles. You said theys gone drop the bomb.
Churchy: They is? On who?
Owl: On nobody cordin to you.
Churchy: I never said nothin
Owl: You did too! You said...
Pogo: Two minutes of silence is arrived jes in time.
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Chapter 24 |
Pogo: He say our winnin candidates dont git enough of the vote... says he knows a way to git 95% of it.
Albert: Wull... whats wrong with that?
Pogo: The way he do it... you jes put up one candidate... Consequently, most everbodys for him... Theys nobody to be against.
Albert: Oh, thatd never work here... I usual votes 95% against somebody.
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Albert: Did I hear you right? You aint old enough to vote?
Pogo: Yup.
Albert: What a blow! That means you aint old enough to be President, neither.
Pogo: Right.
Albert: Well! Well! It looks like Ill gotta offer my fair young body in your stead... I will run for President.
Pogo: You!? You aint any oldern me!
Albert: But Im willing to lie for my country!
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Chapter 25 |
Pig: We do things much better in our country.. Just one candidate... It simplifies the election... Nobody is in doubt as to who to vote for.
Cockatoo: You said it!
Cowbird: Why not just appoint the man... and do away with the election?
Pig What? and crudely abandon the sacred principles of true democracy?!
| Topic: Democracy
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Chapter 31 |
Albert: Now spose you was my true love an you sent me over this set of poultry plus milkmaids milkin goodness knows what... an swans swimmin in somethin.
Churchy: Its a hard spose but Ill do it.
Albert: These goins on is took over a week.. Suddenly on the ninth day of Christmas you sends over nine ladies dancin.. Next day its ten lord leapin.
Churchy: Boy!
Albert: Ten leapin lords! What kind of doins is that! Nineteen people fracasin up the place besides all them milkmaids milkin hand over fist.
Churchy: All account of love.
Albert: An not only that! But you sends constant every day another dogbone partridge in a pear tree! Whats you doin? Cleanin out yo attic?
Churchy: I jes wants you to allus remember me.
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Chapter 32 |
Porky: Halloo! Its four a.m.! Wake up... time for Christmas joy. Youll be glad to know that I mastered fudge-making this last July 12th and I saved you a little for just such a occasion as this. Help yourself... Also in there is a flower from a bunch I was gonna give Miss Mamselle on Flag Day... But thought better of it... She mought of got carried away.. Its yours.
Well, that blows the wad... but Christmas only comes once a year... Some folks wouldnt give you a simple good mornin, but I like to maintain the traditions...
Pogo: You allus remembers.
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text checked (see note) Feb 2008
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